Every Baby has a Mother, and a Father

men-and-abortion

The Chris Evert and Jimmy Connors story is a chilling reminder that aborted babies have two parents. The two tennis greats are in the news because of their abortion years ago. Not her abortion, their abortion.

How many fathers are denied the opportunity to see their children whose mothers chooses to abort when the fathers don’t agree? The law gives the father no choice even though 23 of the chromosomes of the aborted baby belong to him.

Many people say that men should stay out of the abortion debate; that it’s none of their business; that they have nothing to do with what a woman does with her body.

Just like the Kermit Gosnell murder trial opened a can of worms that the abortion industry did not want opened, the Conner/Evert situation is proof of another can that needs to have the lid snapped right off.

For 40 years women have been having legal abortions and there have been many situations where the woman is forced or coerced into having an abortion against her will. But there have also been cases where the fathers did not want their baby aborted but were told it was not their decision, their choice to make.

Coming out in the news yesterday was an article on TVNZ about Chris Evert, the tennis star, blasting her former beau, Jimmy Connors, for writing in his book about the abortion that he blames for breaking them up in the 1970s. He wrote that his response [to learning that she wanted an abortion] was: “‘Well, thanks for letting me know. Since I don’t have any say in the matter, then I guess I am just here to help’.

As more time since the passing of Roe v. Wade goes by, more and more men are stepping forward to talk about their abortions and the consequential collateral damage they have experienced.

Some of these testimonies can be heard at the men’s link at Silent No More Awareness Campaign.

Rachel’s Vineyard, a ministry of healing after abortion, has also seen an increased participation by men in their weekend healing retreats. In fact, the need for healing for post abortive fathers has grown so much that they now have a page dedicated to men and abortion.

As I often say, abortion hurts women and men. The “and men” should not be an afterthought because the reality is that while men may not be able to get pregnant or carry an unborn baby, the loss of their children is just as real and the pain of that loss can be just as devastating as it is for women.

Abortion is about the killing of a human life. Any participation in that killing or the inability to do something to prevent their child’s death can have traumatic effects on the life of the father as well as the mother.

As Kevin Burke, co-founder of Rachel’s Vineyard wrote on May 4, 2011 in his story of celebrity Steven Tyler’s abortion:

“The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines a traumatic event as follows: “1. The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others. 2. The person’s response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.”

“Those who support abortion rights assure us that post-abortion complications are a myth. But Steven Tyler cuts through this fog of denial and lays it on the line: Jesus, what have I done?

“This is the cry of a post-abortive father whose very intimate exposure to the reality of abortion fits the textbook definition of trauma — as set down by the very same American Psychiatric Association that assures us abortion is a safe procedure with no negative effects on a man’s or a woman’s mental health.”

I thank God that the father of my fifth child said “no” to my having another abortion. He knew that 23 of the chromosomes were his and he wanted them to be given life in the baby I was carrying. My grandfather agreed with him.

While these two men didn’t have wombs, they had a stake in the life of the baby. Connors’ pain is telling us something. Every baby has a mother and a father.

One Response to “Every Baby has a Mother, and a Father”

  1. Ronald Richards says:

    I have always thought it was legally absurd to argue that the putative father should have no say in whether a woman carried her baby to term, because it was the woman’s right to use her body as she sees fit. If that is the case, then why is the putative father legally responsible if the woman choses to have the baby. It becomes somewhat logically inconsistent to hold the male financially responsible for the woman’s decision that he has no input into. I am not arguing that the putative father should be held not financially responsible, just that the two legal positions of a woman’s right to choose abortion or birth and the resultant impact on the man’s legal duties are rationally inconsistent.

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