Rev. Scott Miller shares a powerful reflection on the struggle in one man’s heart and soul who suffered after his involvement in the abortion of his unborn daughter. He reveals an intense struggle, that many of us share, to open up fully to God’s forgiveness because of fear and pride. Rev. Miller reveals that ultimately it is an act of grace freely given out of love… that we learn to embrace in humility…this is the root of a deeper forgiveness and healing from the shame, guilt and pain after abortion.
Here is Rev. Miller’s reflection:
I despised myself for what I did to my girlfriend in regards
to the abortion. I also realized that I could not bring my atrocious act to
God because I was fearful of his judgment and condemnation. Instead I tried
to perform spiritually doing everything I could to be a good man. I realized
eventually that my fear of God’s punishment was working alongside my own
pride which said I could make myself good enough for God without His
Three degrees, pastoring a church, running a soup kitchen and
counseling alcoholics could not get rid of the guilt and shame that I
carried. Eventually I had to make myself vulnerable to God and admit what I
I was met by his blood being shed for me and I realized that my
fear coupled with my pride had hindered me from accepting his atonement for
my sin. When I received that (I had nowhere else to turn) I humbly and
brokenly accepted his forgiveness and a strange thing happened… it moved to
me forgiving myself because I realized I was forgiven by God. I was freed
from that despising of self and moved to a humble acceptance of God’s
righteousness which I could not earn on my own merit.
God bless all who are in need of His undeserved favor.
Dr. Scott Miller, M. Counseling, M. Divinity, D. Min. – Director – House of Esau Ministries http://www.silverlion.org/node/6
* Thanks Rev. Miller for having the courage to share your experience. Rev. Miller has been a leader in education and programs for post abortion healing for women and men and a friend and colleague in Rachel’s Vineyard ministry for many years.
Sometimes as men we want to be strong, be in control, handle things on our own terms. That can be ok in other parts of our lives…and at times a real strength.
But when it comes to sin like abortion, wounds that touch the deeper areas of our heart and soul…we need to learn to let the Divine Physician take control. This usually means finding an after abortion healing program where you will find the support and experienced staff, some who have experienced abortion themselves, to guide you through the recovery process.
If you were touched by Rev. Miller’s reflection, please take the next step and look at these resources for healing.