Amidst the firestorm of reaction to my blog last week on the death of Robin Williams, I wanted to share this letter that came in from a father who lost his daughter to abortion:
I wanted to thank you for sharing about Robin William’s abortion and how this may have contributed to his struggles with addiction and depression. I know from personal experience as a post-abortive father that depression can occur when a man loses a child to abortion.
In my case the depression was closely related to the lie I was encouraged to believe…a lie that said that abortion was the best solution to a pregnancy that occurred at a difficult time. I was encouraged to believe that my child in the womb was ‘just a fetus’ and not a human being. By agreeing with this prognosis regarding the pregnancy I was able to agree to the abortion that my partner wanted to have.
Agreeing with the abortion did not change the reality that I was a father of this child. What did occur was that I became the father of a child that I did not protect, take responsibility for and enjoy a relationship with. I became the father of a child that lost its life because I did not protect her from the lie of abortion rather than the father of a child that I helped to nurture and to grow into adulthood.
The reality of what had exactly transpired as a result of the abortion set in over time. As I came out of the delusion that I was in because of believing a lie I began to see more clearly the results of agreeing to an abortion as the solution to the challenge of parenting. By believing the lie I was enabled to abandon the responsibility of protecting my daughter and as a result had abandoned the opportunity to nurture her and provide for her as she grew into an adult. I had rejected the responsibility to protect my unborn daughter, I had lost the opportunity to provide and nurture her into adulthood, I had lost the relationship that would have grown out of tending to these responsibilities and I was full of shame and humiliation as a result. This shame, humiliation and grief left me in a state of hopelessness despair and yes depression.
My self-esteem plummeted. I hated myself for the emotional pain I was feeling for something that was supposed to be a benign experience. I hated myself for not knowing better, for not performing better and I began to be angry with those who had encouraged the abortion, with those who had performed the abortion and with those who stood idly by as it was occurring. The shame and guilt of my involvement encouraged me to keep this to myself. This isolation fed the depression that I experienced after that event. I abused drugs and alcohol as a way to cope with the depression and pain I felt.
Healing started to come when I acknowledged what had happened in the abortion. It began to grow as I shared my guilt with others and received God’s forgiveness. It grew more when I experienced healing weekends with Rachel’s Vineyard and realized that I was not alone with my guilt, grief and depression.
The depression began to lift even more as God gave me the opportunity to take responsibility for a child through adoption. Now I can speak fairly freely about the pain I went through due to my involvement with abortion, and the subsequent depression that had accompanied it, because I know there is a healthy way out. Booze and drugs did not alleviate the problem although I thought they would when I used them to cope with the difficult emotions that accompanied the experience. Facing the experience as it was, the death of my daughter, was the beginning of moving to reconciliation and healing which included yes the healing of some of the depression.
Parents involved in abortion decisions need to realize there is help for them if they face their experience in the light of reality. An abortion recovery program can help them face the painful but liberating truth, grieve and honor that child lost to abortion, and experience the forgiveness of Jesus. Consoled by this faith, they can look forward in sure hope to meeting their children in heaven who are there longing to be reunited with their parents. With further healing I was more able to end the silence and share the truth that my child is gone from this life, but she is with the Lord and I will see her one day.
God bless, you Kevin for telling the truth. May all post-abortive parents face their experience in light of the truth. May they receive the forgiveness that is available so they can bring a blessing to their aborted children the day they enter the gates of paradise to join them in the forgiving pleasures of heaven.
Dr. Scott Miller, M. Counseling, M. Divinity, D. Min
Out of his own healing journey, the Lord has given Scott some insight towards ministering to men and women who have suffered the pain of losing a child through abortion. During his years ministering in residential addiction treatment programs, Scott was introduced to many young men who had lost children to abortion.
As a complimentary ministry to Rachel’s Vineyard, Scott developed the House of Esau program as a place where men can begin to confidentially allow their post abortion dilemma’s to be acknowledged, released and received so their souls can begin the journey of being healed from their abortion experience. House of Esau™ focusses on helping men heal from their “father wound” and the resulting sexual brokenness and pain-managing lifestyle. We offer a non-judgmental environment where men can find the compassion of Christ in a supportive, non-threatening context. For additional information about House of Esau™ ministries, email us at: firstname.lastname@example.org.