Those are words I never thought I would say to my children. In fact, I was never going to tell them. I didn’t want to explain what abortion was much less tell them that their own mother had made such a terrible, sinful choice… TWICE.
When I was asked to be a spokesperson for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign toward the end of 2010, they wanted to be sure that my immediate family knew my past before I began traveling the country talking about it. Of course my husband knew most of the details (although more things surface as time goes on), but how was I going to tell my kids that I killed two of their siblings?
My daughter was 14 and my son was 8 at the time. I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want them to hate me. I didn’t want them to feel about me the way I felt about myself.
I sat the kids down on the couch and took a deep breath. I asked them if they knew what abortion was. My daughter said she had heard the word before but wasn’t sure what it was. My son was clueless. As I began to explain it, the horror was all over their faces. “How could anyone do that?” my son asked. He kept asking questions, but my daughter’s silence told me that she knew there was a reason I was talking to them about abortion.
I began to cry and said, “Mommy had two abortions 10 years ago. You have 2 siblings in heaven.”
I am crying now thinking about the shock and the disappointment on their little faces. It felt like the Mommy they knew wasn’t who they thought she was. I wonder about all of the questions that raced through their heads during those few seconds…all of the things that they may be able to articulate years from now, but can’t process in their young minds now.
My daughter scooted closer to me and threw her arms around me. “I forgive you, Mom…it’s ok”, she said. “I do too”, my son said, “and when I get older I’m NEVER going to let my wife do that.” We all cried together.
I went on to tell them about praying and asking God if the babies were boys or girls and what He would like me to name them. I told them about how God said they were both girls and we had named them Goodness and Mercy. “Like the Bible verse!” my son shouted.
That was almost 2 years ago, and they’ve heard Mommy talk about Goodness and Mercy a lot now. Anytime we hear a song with Psalm 23 in it or someone reads that scripture, my son will proudly announce, “Those are my sisters!” Abortion is a common topic around our dinner table. I joined the fight for LIFE by myself, but we now fight together as a family.
As Mother’s Day approaches, many feel the sting of loss, but along with the sting, I feel the guilt. I will have 2 Mother’s Day cards missing…my breakfast in bed will be prepared by 2 children instead of 4. There is a void that will not be filled until I see Jesus face to face, but until then my hope remains in this: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…”
LifeNews.com Note: Kelly Clinger is a pro-life advocate who is a former background vocalist for Britney Spears and had two abortions before becoming a Christian at age 25. She now is married to Matt Clinger and has two children, Evin (age 15) and Logan (age 9). Clinger is a spokeswoman for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign.
