I still buy baby gifts for my child

I was involved with a man whom I found out was married. I discontinued the relationship but found out that I was pregnant. I was embarrassed because he was married and hadn't known him that long so I wanted to hide my pregnancy.

I was asked what choice I wanted to make and I wanted to keep the baby but I couldn't face telling family and friends. I ended up going to abortion counseling.

(The abortion was) very painful both physically and emotionally.

I had already given a name to the baby and began making the baby a blanket. It didn't hit me until I got home from my abortion that my baby was dead. I began praying that something had gone wrong and I was still pregnant. It was close to ten years before I realized God wouldn't put the baby back or somehow give me the baby. (I still buy baby gifts for my child.)

To deal with the abortion I hid it for ten years. Since this time, I have begun to confess my abortion and reasons for having one. There are several other women with who I share with whom had abortions. I have become a Christian since then and realize I am forgiven. All of the above have helped.

I have only two pictures hanging on the wall instead of three. I thought it was a way around my problems but it only added to them. It was a tremendous shock to someone who can't even kill a spider or fish to come home and realize they had murdered their baby.