I still buy baby gifts for my child
I was involved with a man whom I found out was married. I discontinued the
relationship but found out that I was pregnant. I was embarrassed because he was
married and hadn't known him that long so I wanted to hide my pregnancy.
I was asked what choice I wanted to make and I wanted to keep the baby but I
couldn't face telling family and friends. I ended up going to abortion
(The abortion was) very painful both physically and emotionally.
I had already given a name to the baby and began making the baby a blanket.
It didn't hit me until I got home from my abortion that my baby was dead. I
began praying that something had gone wrong and I was still pregnant. It was
close to ten years before I realized God wouldn't put the baby back or somehow
give me the baby. (I still buy baby gifts for my child.)
To deal with the abortion I hid it for ten years. Since this time, I have
begun to confess my abortion and reasons for having one. There are several other
women with who I share with whom had abortions. I have become a Christian since
then and realize I am forgiven. All of the above have helped.
I have only two pictures hanging on the wall instead of three. I thought it
was a way around my problems but it only added to them. It was a tremendous
shock to someone who can't even kill a spider or fish to come home and realize
they had murdered their baby.