I just hope I don't go insane

I got pregnant and wasn’t married and so I aborted. My parents and friends were involved. I felt I would still get married and have children. I am now over 40 and childless, but I think about my baby every day of my life.

Were you given adequate information and counseling prior to the abortion(s)? 

None - because I chose not to have what the staff offered. Planned Parenthood wants to counsel me, but I think they just want to get me to stop disturbing their "temples of sacrifice."

It was painful and life changing (traumatic). I recently found out how my daughter was disposed of, through a meat grinder. I just hope I can live with this and not go insane.

My life is destroyed. I don’t know about anyone else. I think my roommate, whom I lived with at the time, married someone who could not have children and I think she might have done that because of my experience.

Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion(s), and whether it helped? 

Years of counseling – no. It was 18 years ago, also they can’t stop the persistent bleeding I have now. I’ve had several D & Cs. I don’t go to doctors anymore, I just can’t trust them. I picket and I do Operation Rescue. I am a chapter president of Right to Life and I work at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, but nothing can or will atone for the fact that my daughter is dead. Nothing can change that, I live for the day I go to heaven and can hold her in my arms. I’ll never let her go for a thousand years.

I will never be a mother or a grandmother and I am so very angry about that plus I am a murderer. I killed my own flesh and blood. How could anyone do that?