I tried to numb my pain and loss with drugs and alcohol

I was 18 years old, scared, ashamed that I was pregnant. I had two, six months apart. I didn’t tell too many people because I didn’t want anyone to know. I was raised in a Christian home and this wouldn’t look good. I thought at the time abortions were my only way out, my quick fix.

I was asked very few questions. I had no counseling or any education on what I was about to do. 

I was asleep both times and I do remember feeling very alone and cold. I had the suction done. I was about 7-8 weeks along both times. Everyone in the clinic treated it as no big deal. No compassion. My second one seemed to be more painful physically. My first one I bled a lot more.

At first I was in denial that they ever happened. Especially the second one. I realized I tried to numb my pain and loss with drugs and alcohol. At the age of 22, I was getting married and told my future husband. He made me start to realize that maybe there was something more to this than what I thought. He was supportive and forgiving.

I moved and got involved with a local Crisis Pregnancy Center. They offered a post-abortion counseling and education bible study. It was so cleansing and the best thing I could’ve done for myself and others. It helped me tremendously.

What satan has meant for evil, the Lord has turned into good. I firmly believe that. I’ve learned so much and grown that I share it with everyone I can. I feel my healing has made me a better person. I am able to help women today because of my past mistake.