I was awake during the murder

Twice I got pregnant with men that were "one night stands." The first time I was a teenager, the second time, I was an adult.

The first time I just had to sign a paper saying no one was making me do it. (I signed it after much consideration.) I asked questions about the size and formation of my baby during the ultrasound and I was ignored.
The second time I was given information on the risks to me, received no counseling. I was actually treated poorly by Planned Parenthood. They were rude, inconsiderate, condescending.

How would you describe your abortion(s)? 

Horrible! My friend who recently had an abortion had a bad experience and described it as "being on an assembly line." The first one, I was so young the whole experience just went right over my head. The second time, I was awake during the murder. An "aide" who had never seen it done before was there to observe with my consent. I wish I could’ve taken a picture of the look of horror on her face when it happened.

The fathers completely abandoned me. Friends didn’t know what to say. I had trouble signing the consent form for the first one because my mother is "pro-choice" and told me there was no other choice. Then she ignored me and when I got depressed she said she didn’t know why, wouldn’t call me at school or anything. 

Physically after the first, I felt death in my womb, an overwhelming sense of death for a month. Then my young brain just put the whole experience away. Physically -- in time I bled so much afterwards, I thought I would die. 

Emotionally --  guilt, guilt, guilt, pain. The father of my first baby stuck around while I made the decision, provided adult support, came with me for the murder, but didn’t talk to me again until he needed money to go to the prom! 

The father of my second baby said there was no other choice but abortion. After insisting I have an abortion, he was gone. Both times I was so uninformed. I was gasping for someone to talk me out of it. A nurse I talked to during the second pregnancy said, "that’s something I can’t talk to you about," after I told her I had to have an abortion. I got the idea she was pro-life. She could’ve changed my mind! If I knew then what I’ve learned now about the pro-life movement, I would’ve never had abortions. I was told it was just tissue, etc.  If someone had told me there’s a heartbeat at two weeks!! If I had heard about what happens in "Silent Scream"!!

I couldn’t write enough about abortions. Abortion is the biggest evil. Women think it won’t affect them. Every year of their lives, they will picture what age that child would be, what they would look like, it never goes away. Not to mention the physical damage.

Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion(s), and whether it helped.

Taking control over my life in general. What other people think can not effect my major life decisions. Naming my babies, giving myself the title mother. Prayer, prayer, prayer. Avoiding the occasion of sin, I will never let this happen. I am called to be chaste now. And joining the pro-life movement.

Abortion, it’s a terrible thing, but I also can’t separate it from promiscuity. The sex, the attitude, all of that ruined years of my life.