Death hit you in the face the moment you walked through
the front entrance
I have had three abortions. My first abortion was right after my 18th birthday.
I chose abortion because the father of the baby denied any part of me and the
baby. He left town and I didn’t know where to find him. I had to tell my
parents. They told me my life would be better and the baby would be better off
by having an abortion. My father paid for the abortion and my mother found a
local "doctor" who did abortions. She made the appointment and my best friend
After my abortion, my father kicked me out of the house. So, I went to live
with a friend. Things weren’t going well, so a guy I met offered to let me move
in with him and his son. I was to watch his son in exchange for a place to live.
Well, within a month or so, I was pregnant. Yet, by the time I found out, I had
moved back home and started dating someone. So, I was in a real fix. I had moved
back home because I was getting hooked on cocaine, and taking "downers" at the
same time. I had talked to the father of the baby, and he was trying to get some
money together for abortion. I chose abortion because of the drugs and for my
own selfish reasons. He could not come up with all the money. Then one day, my
other friend asked me out of the clear blue sky if I was pregnant. So I broke
down and told him. He was so loving.
Were you given adequate information and counseling prior to the
No, not at all. My first abortion, I did not receive any form of counseling
at all. My second abortion, I went to Planned Parenthood and they were so
How would you describe your abortion(s)?
I have so many different ways I guess to describe them. They were painful
and very traumatic. I guess one way to describe them is like a rape. You feel
violated and empty afterwards. You could feel death hanging over you while in
the "doctor’s" office or the "clinic." Death hit you in the face the moment you
walked through the front entrance. As the procedure was taking place, you feel
like the life hidden so deep within you is being ripped from you. I felt like
each abortion that a part of me died with my children.
My abortions have taken a toll on my life emotionally with feelings of guilt
and regret. I have been emotionally bankrupt. I have had little desire to
continue living and feel I have not deserved to be happy. I have battled suicide
for years. I have had problems with serious long-term relationships. I am
married, but we have been hanging on by a bare thread. I am always depressed,
but I try and pretend to others, but mostly to myself that I’m not. I used drugs
to numb me emotionally. I used cocaine, but my favorite was "downers." I would
drink alcohol and smoke marijuana and pop pills. That way my mind would not
think about me killing my babies.
I am going through post-abortion counseling with Care Net. Their program is
PACE. It’s a wonderful program! I feel like it has helped me work through
emotions that have built up.
I will never be the same. I must live with the fact that I allowed for my
children to be killed while still nestled inside of my body for illogical and