My heart still aches
I've just finished reading The Winter 1996 issue and feel I need to write to
say thank you for what you are doing. I will try to send a contribution when I
can because I do believe in your ministry.
I also feel a need to just tell someone else besides my husband how I'm
feeling. I had my first abortion 27 years ago when I was 16 years old and
exactly one year later when I was 17 years old I got pregnant again and had
another abortion. I am now 42 years old and I still have dreams of holding a
little baby in my hands or looking for a lost baby. My heart still aches. I've
been married to the same man for 15 years. We have two sons 10 and 12 years old.
My husband and I are recovering alcoholics and drug addicts. I've been sober and
straight for 18 years, my husband for 20 years. The last 5 years I've been
dealing with memories coming back through pastoral counseling, bible study, and
through journal writing. (No hypnotism -- just the Holy Spirit). In my
early childhood I was raped at the age of four by my grandfather and he
continued to molest me till he died when I was 9.
My symptoms from the abortions are also the same symptoms of being sexually
abused as a child and my parents are also alcoholics. Sometimes I get confused
about which symptom equals which problem. Maybe I am working on both the
abortions and incest at the same time -- now let me tell you that really "feels"
crazy! I went through some counseling at the crisis pregnancy center.