The doctor doesn't even treat you like a human

My then boyfriend's brother was a medical student who moonlighted as abortionist. My boyfriend who now is my husband had tried to commit suicide several times in the 2 years that I had known him. His brother convinced me that my boyfriend could not handle the stress of the pregnancy. He made me feel backed into a corner. I didn't feel like I had a choice. I felt like a helpless victim. Instead of choosing suicide, I chose abortion.

The clinic counseling did not tell me about the fetal development. They said I had to hurry and decide before 12 weeks. I went with my boyfriend the first time and we couldn't go through it. His brother convinced me to go back next week and I went alone. My boyfriend called the clinic to stop me. They did not give me the message or let him talk to me.

The personnel at the clinic treat you like a friend before the procedure and then the doctor doesn't even treat you like a human. Afterwards you recover on a cold bench. It was the most dehumanizing. I think they did this intentionally -- it is part of their mind games. It lowers your self-esteem and you sink into a secret world. It provides them legal action against them because then you would have to reveal your secret. I would love to file a lawsuit against them for psychological damage and put the clinics out of business.

After the abortion, I had no self-esteem. I became promiscuous. I felt eternally damned and I contemplated suicide. When my first son was born with problems I felt I was being punished. I had two infant losses. At first I felt like these had to do with God getting even. Now I know that without them I would have never started the healing process.

How did I deal with the abortion? Prayer, God's grace and direct intervention in my life has sent me on the road to recovery. Pastoral counseling in my life, reconciliation with the Catholic Church, post-abortion reconciliation prayer service.

The abortion has changed my life because I am less judgmental. I spent years in deep depression that is only beginning to be removed. I have not been as good a mother to my children because of this. I need to learn to forgive but it is hard to forgive such evil people. I want to see abortion illegal. I want to help others heal. I volunteer to raise money for pre-natal care. I will help in anyway I can.