He seemed so evil
I was 17 years old at the time. My parents kicked me out of the house and
continually pressured me to have the abortion. It wasn't legal nationally at the
time but it was legal in NY where I live. I had broken up with the father of the
child and was really alone; a friend's mother was letting me stay with them. I
didn't feel I had any other choice at the time.
I wasn't given any counseling prior to the abortion. I had no idea what was
going to happen to me. I was emotionally depressed and unprepared for what
I was given a saline injection abortion. I went into labor after being
injected. I will never forget the look on the doctor's face when he injected me.
He seemed so evil. I was all alone and proceeded to go into labor for 14 hours
after which time I gave birth to a dead baby boy. No one was in the room with me
so I had the baby lying on the bed with me until the nurse came in. She then
took him and dumped him into a large plastic jar. I can't even describe to you
the feeling I had at that time.
My abortion impacted the rest of my life. I proceeded to have
self-destructive behaviors and ended up in a abusive marriage. I am now, and
have been a single parent for the past 11 years, raising my children on my own.
I have suffered from severe depressions (untreated) and really had a terrible
life, until my complete healing about two years ago. I had numerous times in
counseling but the abortion wasn't addressed until about 7 years ago. It took my
faith in God, and a lot of support and faith to get me to the point that I am
now of being at peace inside myself, with my child, and to have forgiveness for
my family. Without a firm spiritual basis, which I acquired first, I don’t think
I ever would have been able to heal. I believe that God alone has the love deep
enough to bring this healing.
I am sure if there had been no abortion, my life would have been completely
different. I don't really think of that too much, I am just grateful that God
has given me his mercy and healing. I would really like to help others that are
experiencing what I was. Our society denies the impact of abortion and so many
women are suffering not even knowing why. I want to legitimize their feelings
and help them to work through the pain to wholeness again.