He seemed so evil

I was 17 years old at the time. My parents kicked me out of the house and continually pressured me to have the abortion. It wasn't legal nationally at the time but it was legal in NY where I live. I had broken up with the father of the child and was really alone; a friend's mother was letting me stay with them. I didn't feel I had any other choice at the time.

I wasn't given any counseling prior to the abortion. I had no idea what was going to happen to me. I was emotionally depressed and unprepared for what happened.

I was given a saline injection abortion. I went into labor after being injected. I will never forget the look on the doctor's face when he injected me. He seemed so evil. I was all alone and proceeded to go into labor for 14 hours after which time I gave birth to a dead baby boy. No one was in the room with me so I had the baby lying on the bed with me until the nurse came in. She then took him and dumped him into a large plastic jar. I can't even describe to you the feeling I had at that time.

My abortion impacted the rest of my life. I proceeded to have self-destructive behaviors and ended up in a abusive marriage. I am now, and have been a single parent for the past 11 years, raising my children on my own. I have suffered from severe depressions (untreated) and really had a terrible life, until my complete healing about two years ago. I had numerous times in counseling but the abortion wasn't addressed until about 7 years ago. It took my faith in God, and a lot of support and faith to get me to the point that I am now of being at peace inside myself, with my child, and to have forgiveness for my family. Without a firm spiritual basis, which I acquired first, I don’t think I ever would have been able to heal. I believe that God alone has the love deep enough to bring this healing.

I am sure if there had been no abortion, my life would have been completely different. I don't really think of that too much, I am just grateful that God has given me his mercy and healing. I would really like to help others that are experiencing what I was. Our society denies the impact of abortion and so many women are suffering not even knowing why. I want to legitimize their feelings and help them to work through the pain to wholeness again.