I am permanently changed

I am 24 years. I have been married almost three years and I have an almost three year old son. I am also a full time college student.

I had an abortion in April 1998. The pressure was coming in all directions but especially my husband but mostly form the clinic even though I was having tremendous doubts. It was the weakest moment of my life and I am still suffering the "consequences" of my abortion on every level.

I was not counseled because it was "you do not ask /you do not know" situation. My marriage continues to deteriorate because I find myself loathing my husband. My personality has changed dramatically. I dislike myself, suicide was considered and my health is terrible. Since my abortion I have gained 100lb and am now hypothyroid and hypoglycemic. I'm not better physically or emotionally.

No one beside my husband and a few close online friends know about my abortion. I just keep going through the motions -- I feel just raw. I felt transparent and I am permanently changed.