Everything reminds me of the abortion…

I was 18 at the time I was married and had a two-year old boy. I made the mistake of having a one time affair. I got pregnant, but my husband found out about my affair and told me it wasn't his and to either get rid[sic] of my pregnancy or he would KILL it in someway. I was so young and so scared. I told my Mom, but she said maybe it would be for the best.

It was done at a hospital. The people we[re] very nice. It didn't take that long, but oh my god, I will never ever forget the feeling that came over me when I woke up and realized what I had really done and had really gone through with the abortion.

In the first place, my husband would always be bringing it up what I had done to him and why I had to pay for it. To me I've never been able to forget it because everything reminds me of the abortion. It has been twelve years already and it still feels as if it were yesterday.

To tell you the truth, I have never done anything to deal with [it]. I've always kept the pain to myself and never talk about it to no one. It still is kind of my secret and I don't want my kids ever to find out their mother could do such a thing.

Even though I now have 5 kids I still feel something missing like a void. I had to open my eyes and really stand up for myself and try to make my own discoveries for any thing I have to do. I feel this pain I carry with me in my heart and Body will never end.