He'd be 20 years old this year…

I was 17 years old and very promiscuous. I got pregnant and my friends helped me get an abortion. They took me to Med-i-cal Office where I lied about my age. They got me an appointment right away. I was at the end of my first trimester.

I went into the hospital by myself. I was put to sleep and I woke up in a room (very sterile) with another woman. She was crying and I tried to comfort her and I began to cry. I was told to "shut up" by the nurse. I stopped mourning and didn't cry about my abortion for years to come.

It affected me because not only was I a tramp, but now I was a murderer also. I hated myself even more. Also, I had to keep it all a secret from my family. To this day, my family does not know about my abortion. It has affected my relation with my husband - learning to trust him - and my children. I feared abusing them and in the same time I was over-protective.

I have learn[ed] to trust God for my healing. I've attended PAS seminars and I am a group leader for a PAS Bible study at our local Pregnancy Center. I have also shared my testimony at different times.

It has made me distrustful especially of men. I've learned to be more compassionate of sinners and the "hopeless". I'm always wondering what difference there would have been if I'd kept my baby. I'm sure it was a boy. He'd be 20 years old this year.