I was not living close to God at the time of my decisions, although I was
raised in a Christian home with my father being a minister.
How I came to have the abortion was even though I was using the I.U. Device
(Dalkon Shield) after my 5th child was born, I found I was again
pregnant when he was about 10 months old. Somehow mentally I was not ready for
another baby yet. So we decided for the abortion. In the early 70's there were
no movies like the "Silent Scream" or books to read to really know the extent of
the awful experience of what abortion really is.
First of all I'll describe the experience by saying my OB Dr. referred me to
the Family Planning Center who gave me a briefing on how I might react to the
anesthetic, but not be alarmed as it was a normal part of it. They didn't
explain at all what was really going to happen so that you had a second thought
not to go through with it. At the time I wasn't thinking of abortion as it
really is. I didn't think of a baby that was perfectly formed at 10 weeks (as I
was at the time) or the suffering I caused my baby at the time.
The affect it has caused is the constant thinking of what I've done and how
sorry I am, and that there is no second chance. Every time I see an article in a
magazine or TV program I just have to read it or see it. It's a lifetime of
regret for me.
I deal with it now only because I have asked for forgiveness of God, which I
read in the Bible he will do if we ask him.
The abortion changed my life in the fact that I was 37 at the time and I'm
now 53, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my child and
how much joy and comfort, company he or she would bring to me all these years;
and that after all God knows what's best for us if we could only give up our
selfishness. So now I'm still reaping what I have sown as we all do in any
choice we make in life.
I would like to add that I have 5 beautiful and wonderful children - 1 girl 4
boys - and I have 7 grandchildren and another grandchild due in October. All
I wish I could turn the clock back and have just one more chance. I'd
do it differently now. If it weren't for my age I'd have a baby.
I have a hard time putting into words my feelings, but I hope this letter