My husband had been physically abusing me and I had recently separated from
him and started another relationship. I was using birth control (diaphragm) but
became pregnant. I already had two children (ages 7 and 4) and was about to
begin full-time work to support myself and these two children. I felt that I
could not continue the pregnancy and have another child because of my situation;
nor could I have the child and surrender it for adoption, because of my two
older children, who would not understand this course of action.
I had an early (about 8 weeks) suction abortion without complications, except
for the emotional pain and grief that I felt, which subsided after a few months
to an occasional feeling of loss, particularly on anniversaries such as date of
termination and what would have been the child's birth date.
Only three other people knew - my two sisters and the father. The father did
not seem affected at all. My sisters were saddened (along with myself) and very
supportive - offered no recriminations. At the time and for about 8 years I felt
that it was a difficult thing to do but the right decision for me.
I have discussed it and cried about it with my second husband (not the father
of that pregnancy). It began to become almost an obsession with me about 8 years
later and I regretted it every day. Not a day would pass that I didn't
think about this baby who never had a chance. I finally went to confession and
the priest was very kind and helpful. I have felt better since then.
It added a new dimension of regret and sadness to my life. I would give
anything for the chance to handle this "unwanted" pregnancy differently.
It also has made me appreciate more the "miracle" of life and birth. I have
had two more children since the abortion and viewed the development of the
pregnancies in a different light.
