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I Would Give Anything…

My husband had been physically abusing me and I had recently separated from him and started another relationship. I was using birth control (diaphragm) but became pregnant. I already had two children (ages 7 and 4) and was about to begin full-time work to support myself and these two children. I felt that I could not continue the pregnancy and have another child because of my situation; nor could I have the child and surrender it for adoption, because of my two older children, who would not understand this course of action.

I had an early (about 8 weeks) suction abortion without complications, except for the emotional pain and grief that I felt, which subsided after a few months to an occasional feeling of loss, particularly on anniversaries such as date of termination and what would have been the child's birth date.

Only three other people knew - my two sisters and the father. The father did not seem affected at all. My sisters were saddened (along with myself) and very supportive - offered no recriminations. At the time and for about 8 years I felt that it was a difficult thing to do but the right decision for me.

I have discussed it and cried about it with my second husband (not the father of that pregnancy). It began to become almost an obsession with me about 8 years later and I regretted it every day. Not a day would pass that I didn't think about this baby who never had a chance. I finally went to confession and the priest was very kind and helpful. I have felt better since then.

It added a new dimension of regret and sadness to my life. I would give anything for the chance to handle this "unwanted" pregnancy differently.

It also has made me appreciate more the "miracle" of life and birth. I have had two more children since the abortion and viewed the development of the pregnancies in a different light.

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