Against my conscience…

I was17 years old - senior in High School - sexually active with boyfriend - no birth control used - pregnancy resulted - parents advised abortion - no other alternatives or resources seemed practical - boyfriend not pushing one way or the other - gave in to having abortion for others - felt it was murder even at that time - felt no other choice - broke off relationship with boyfriend due to extreme guilt over sexual relationship after the abortion.

Nine weeks pregnant - suction aspiration - painful. Against my conscience.

Unable to look at pregnant women or babies shortly after the abortion. After marriage and first child, unable to attend church. Felt extreme guilt over abortion. Unable to equate feelings with the need to grieve until later after receiving help. Angry at parents. Husband understanding yet affected by my emotions.

I first sought counsel from a Pastor - one session only which did tremendous good. Then joined Conquerors post abortion support group. Best help was separating the grief from thinking I was unforgiven because of my emotional turmoil.

It has caused much introspection - having to deal with a trauma that was really a great violation to my conscience. I have been able to use the experience in positive ways like speaking to groups, directing the Conquerors program (which I now do) and helping me to deal with other past hurts and issues.