I had an abortion in 1983. I had two sons, ages 5 and 2. I had been involved
in drugs and alcohol and I had a lot of problems in my marriage. My husband did
not want me to have the abortion. I was so depressed and my life was such a
mess, I felt I could not have another baby at that time. My husband, even though
he was opposed to the abortion, drove me to the Planned Parenthood. He also paid
for the abortion.
Everyone at the abortion clinic was very quiet. I was scared, but I just kept
telling myself, this is something I have to do. They gave me a Valium and I
waited a short period of time and then went into the room where the abortion was
performed. It took longer than I expected and towards the end I was in a lot of
pain. The nurse comforted me and told me it was almost over. I stayed in a room
on a cot for about 1 hour. I went home and I felt OK. I didn't bleed much.
I did not think about the abortion much, until I gave birth to my third son
two years later. Then I realized the baby I aborted was probably the daughter I
always wanted. I had a lot of guilt and depression, and I knew that I had killed
a child and I was in pain because I realized I did something very wrong. The
abortion also affected my marriage. My husband had not wanted me to have the
abortion. It has affected our marital relationship. I have hurt my husband very
deeply. We both have a deep sense of loss and a longing for that child.
I had been seeking God for many years and in 1987, I had a wonderful
experience with God. I have received His love and forgiveness and I have
forgiven myself. I have asked the baby's forgiveness and also my husband's
forgiveness. I miss my child but I have Peace. I am working at a crisis
pregnancy center helping other women make the right decision, so they do not
have to go through what I have gone through. I have just begun a post abortion
counseling class to further work through the healing process.
I would have a beautiful 8 year old daughter right now if it were not for the
abortion. I would not have suffered the years of guilt and depression and the
problems it has caused in my marriage.
Thank you for hearing my story.
