The doctor was more than rude…

I got pregnant in nursing school. The father and I were not in love with each other or willing to change our lives to commit to parenthood together. I went to Planned Parenthood and they counseled me to abort.

It was horribly degrading. There was such denial and control there. We were all kept isolated from each other, not allowed to talk, given valium as soon as we came in the door. The doctor was more than rude to me, the nurses grabbed my chart away from me, when all I wanted to know was if it was a girl or a boy. They were so hateful to anyone who showed any emotions or remorse. I felt like it was something horrible I had to do because of the circumstances I was in, but I expected to be treated as a person, with some respect. But I wasn't. The doctor told me to "just spread your legs, I'm sure you've done it before." When I questioned his experience, he said he'd "seen it before, in the back seat of a car." When I asked if the baby was a boy or a girl, he asked, "What's the difference? You've already killed it?"

Denial for years. Had a bond between me and the father for years (both of us) - intense shame, believing others cannot accept me (potential mates - even while dating, feel a huge deception - like they should know this about me.)

[To deal with the abortion I have gone to] PACE Bible study at pregnancy center (Christian based organization). It brought out a lot of the feelings I've denied.

The memory is always there.