I was 17 and scared. I went to Planned Parenthood, thinking they
would help me plan to be a parent. However, they just gave me a list of
doctors who performed abortions, and sent me on my way.
Most of it is a blur. I remember going from room to room with a group of
about 10 women. We were talked to about contraception and whatever was said
about the abortion, I can’t really remember. I got there about 1 and left around
6 or 7:00 PM. I remember holding the nurses hand so tight during the abortion. I
was afraid it might break. It was painful.
I was relieved at first, then I started drinking alcohol more and more often.
I was wanting to get pregnant again (unconsciously). I wouldn’t talk about
the abortion. About a year later, I wanted to commit suicide. To this day, my
parents don’t know.
In college I took a stress class. This class was worth my whole college
career. It was my last semester in college. There were 7 people in my class, and
we each had to talk about our past, present, and future. When I talked about the
abortion, it was the first time I cried about it (7 years later). I came to
regret it and accept Jesus’ forgiveness and healing.
I will never see or hold my baby/child (at least not on Earth). It was
traumatic -- I hated myself and didn’t want to live. It negatively affected my
relationships with children and men. I became very hard of heart, not helping
other people. Until Jesus came into my life, I had a hard time accepting love.