I feel a void in my life
How did you come to have the abortion(s) and who was involved?
A. (1st abortion) I was 17. My boyfriend was 16 and he suggested
abortion. I didn't know what to do and I was scared and let him make this
decision without much discussion about alternatives.
B. (2nd abortion) At 23, my boyfriend just graduated college and was not
ready to settle down. He threatened me with going to bars all the time without
me if I kept the baby. Adoption was lightly considered. I was scared.
Were you given adequate information and counseling prior to the
A. I was asked if this is what I wanted. I answered yes, though it was
obvious that I was distraught. No information pertaining to the fact that I was
going to kill a living baby. No counseling.
B. Same as above - it seemed they held back in becoming involved lest I
changed my mind. No counseling.
How would you describe your abortion(s)?
A. Emotional - relatively little physical pain/cramping. I cried during
the procedure. The nurses and doctors were sympathetic.
B. Angry emotions - doctor was cold and insensitive. He was not gentle. The
speculum pinched me, great cramping, jerky motions of the doctor. I was
resisting, pulling away, and almost backed out, but the doctor ordered a
sedative and before I knew it, it was over. If I had had a few moments to
compose myself, I would have left with the baby.
I have much emotional pain and guilt. My parents know about A. and we don't
talk about it. I don't see the boyfriend. He has since apologized for the way he
acted. I married boyfriend B. We have a two year old, who took three years of
trying to get. Lots of emotions about our first baby we aborted. We realize how
precious little lives are especially after having two early miscarriages.
I have tried to block out my abortions. I have depression most of the time
since the birth of my daughter, but consider my spiritual life a major component
in my spiritual healing. I am now seeking therapy via a social worker and
psychiatrist and my gynecologist is helping me with possible PMS. I feel very
messed up mentally. I am working on what all the causes are for my depression.
I now have only one child and not three. I was able to go to and complete
college. I am angry about the misinformation I was given at age 17 and 23 about
abortions. I am saddened that I will never know my first two children here on
earth. At times I feel a void in my life.