I tried to kill myself as punishment

I was 18 years old. I had been seeing a married man for a year. He wanted me to have his child. When I became pregnant, his wife had found out about us weeks before. He paid me $10,000 to have an abortion. My parents made me have the abortion. They threatened to disown me.

Only about the actual abortion itself; just physical aspects.

It was horrifying. It has been 11 years and I still cannot forgive myself. After the abortion, I tried to kill myself twice. I hate my parents for what they did and the man as well. I can't trust people. When I become angry, I have no control over myself. I feel I must punish myself and that God doesn't forgive me.

I tried to kill myself; to punish myself for what I did. I hated everyone. I can't trust anyone. It affects my marriage.

I pray to God a lot. I speak to my doctor. She has recommended that I seek counseling. I recently had twins. I became very depressed and had overwhelming feelings of guilt. I have tried to forget and forgive, but I can not. The feelings always surface and return at different times. I have been diagnosed as manic depressive. I have migraines and am currently on antidepressants and seeking counseling.

I am hateful and physical when angry. I become very depressed at times and I am married to a wonderful man who deserves to be trusted and loved for who he is instead of at times dealing with my emotions that have nothing to do with him.