I got pregnant after a year of dating my ex boyfriend; when I told him he
went crazy. The first words that came out of his mouth weren't very nice. He
told me that it was all my fault, he even said that the child wasn't his. Ever
since we had doubts about my pregnancy until the time it was confirmed he told
me that we had to take care of it as soon as possible.
So against my will I went to an abortion clinic and a friend of mine went
with me. I knew that he wasn't going to help me in anyway, be it emotional or
financial. So I decided to have an abortion, I really wanted the baby but I
couldn't have been able to raise it by myself and I never had any emotional
support through it all; from beginning to end I was alone. My parents never knew
and to this day; my dad is the only one who I've told from my family.
I was very happy when I heard the news that I was going to be a mom, I've
always loved children, I think that they are the best thing that can ever happen
to someone, they're so sweet and peaceful, like little angels………I was very
nervous at the clinic, they told me I couldn't eat anything and they made me
sign a piece of paper saying that I was fully responsible if anything should
happen to me, they drew blood, had a urine test done and an ultrasound.
After that I waited for what seemed like forever then they called me in to
talk to one of their counselors, and she was pretty much trying to convince me
to go through with it. She said that I was very young and had a whole life ahead
of me, that it was for the better. I was very nervous about the whole thing and
I just started crying, after that she told me that they would call me when
everything was ready for the procedure.
My mind was completely blank, I couldn't think about anything at the time,
after awhile they called me in again and they led me to a room, told me to take
my clothes off, put a robe on, lay down and that the doctor would be right with
me. The doctor came in with a nurse and with the counselor, they used local
anesthesia and all of a sudden I felt this really strong suction inside my womb,
it hurt a lot and it was like someone was pulling all of my organs out, the
whole thing was done in about 5 minutes.
The feelings I had during the procedure were all mixed, I was scared, sad,
angry, guilty, nervous. After that I got dressed and went into a recuperating
room where 5 other women were laying down and resting, they gave me some
medicines in case of infection and left me there. I was told that I could leave
when I felt better. My stomach was so bloated, I had very bad cramps, I couldn't
even walk because I felt my womb was so weak and whenever I took a step forward
it felt like everything moved inside me. It was really awful.
My friend drove me home and all I wanted to do was lay down and cry, I knew
that I had killed my baby. The decision I took to go through with the abortion
really weighs me down, it's affected my whole life and the way I interact with
other people, some time ago I couldn't see a pregnant woman or anything that had
to do with babies because I would just lose it, I'd start crying uncontrollably.
It's been almost 3 years and my mood has changed a lot, I'm always angry, I have
a sad look in my eyes and nothing makes me happy, I can't even enjoy life like I
used to. I don't trust men at all, and it's been very hard for me to establish a
healthy romantic relationship, I can't bond with people very good, there's
always that little doubt inside me if someone does something to be nice I just
think that they want to hurt me.
My life has been hell these past years, I'm angry at the world and at myself,
I still can't come to terms with what I did, I'm a lot more aggressive and on
the edge, sometimes all I want to do is remember my baby and just sit and cry in
my room. I've seen my baby's face in dreams and I know that it's a boy, I
haven't seen his body but I can feel that it's a baby boy, these dreams have
been very peaceful but I've had other dreams in which I've seen a baby's
disfigured face. It's been really hard on me, now I'm so scared of getting
pregnant, it's overwhelming I think I've dealt with it the best that I've known
how.
I'm very much interested in helping other women so they don't make the same
mistake A couple good friends of mine are pregnant right now and I m so excited
for them, I can't wait to see the babies, I've bought baby clothes for them and
I always calling them to see how they feel and stuff.
A cousin of mine had a baby … she's a single mom, she had a baby girl as soon
as I found out went to they hospital to see her and I held her in my arms, it
was such a wonderful feeling! Of course I felt sad but I was also happy to be
able to hold her, bathe her and dress her. I'm 'comfortable around babies, even
though sometimes I get really sad.
I just started going to a psychologist and we're working on the whole
abortion issue, I've been in therapy for only a month but I think that it will
really help me get through it all. I'd like to be my old self again! Therapy is
not easy because you learn so many new things about your fears and yourself that
maybe were hidden deep inside you for a long time, I think that in the end I
will learn to trust people again and overcome all the obstacles I've faced in
life with a good positive outlook on everything. I had never believed in
abortion before and when I found myself in a big problem I took the easiest way
out. I never thought that it would affect me as much.
Right now the way I look at life is different, I think that life is one of
the most precious gifts that a person can receive and many people don't value
the fact that they're alive. Life can take a 180 degree turn in a matter of
seconds. I've come to learn that you should be kind and compassionate with other
people and try to understand why they act a certain way, it might be that the
person is in a lot of pain and they act it out destructively because they can't
seem to find a way out.
The last thing I want to mention is that ABORTION IS A VIOLENT ACT AGAINST A
HELPLESS HUMAN BEING, THE LAW SHOULD OPPOSE ABORTION. A lot of people are
killing their own flesh and blood because it's legal, it's the easiest way out
and it's a form of "birth control". I would advise women not make the decision I
made, and to go ahead and have their baby with courage and pride no matter what
the situation is, things work out in the long run. If you make the wrong
decision, you will live with the regret, the guilt, and the sadness for the rest
of your life. Abortion is a deep wound that will always be there.
P.S. I hope my story helps to open everyone's eyes and to change the way
people think about abortion and its consequences.
