I live with the ghost

I was 17 at the time of the abortions. I am now 22 years old. I found myself pregnant at 17, parents were having problems so they couldn't help me. My boyfriend at the time coerced me into the abortion, his family and friends ganged up on me. I felt that I had no other choice. He threatened he would commit suicide if I kept the baby.

I was not informed about the abortion.  I was told it was a blob of cells, they did not tell me how formed the baby really was. Planned Parenthood touched on other options but did not go too deeply into them as they did abortions.

The abortion was painful, humiliating, alienating and left a profound sadness. This was the worst experience of my life! I wish someone would have told me it might be like this before the abortion.

After the abortion, I broke up with my boyfriend. My father is very sad about it and hates my ex-boyfriend. My mother has never really let me know how she feels about what happened. I'm just now accepting where my pain is coming from.

Medicaid paid for the abortion but won't pay for therapy. The pain gets worse each day. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for what I did.

I destroyed something beautiful, now I live with the ghost of an image of how she would have been. It makes me mean and depressed most of the time. I see things in stores that I would have brought for her now and it hurts. I think women should be made to show women what the child looks and they should go over each option more thoroughly. Before, I didn’t think that I had the right to feel remorse or pain at the loss of my child, but now I don't care what others think. I want help but I can't afford it. I wish that there were more support groups without a hidden agenda.