I live with the ghost
I was 17 at the time of the abortions. I am now 22 years old. I found myself
pregnant at 17, parents were having problems so they couldn't help me. My
boyfriend at the time coerced me into the abortion, his family and friends
ganged up on me. I felt that I had no other choice. He threatened he would
commit suicide if I kept the baby.
I was not informed about the abortion. I was told it was a blob of
cells, they did not tell me how formed the baby really was. Planned Parenthood
touched on other options but did not go too deeply into them as they did
The abortion was painful, humiliating, alienating and left a profound
sadness. This was the worst experience of my life! I wish someone would have
told me it might be like this before the abortion.
After the abortion, I broke up with my boyfriend. My father is very sad about
it and hates my ex-boyfriend. My mother has never really let me know how she
feels about what happened. I'm just now accepting where my pain is coming from.
Medicaid paid for the abortion but won't pay for therapy. The pain gets worse
each day. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for what I did.
I destroyed something beautiful, now I live with the ghost of an image of how
she would have been. It makes me mean and depressed most of the time. I see
things in stores that I would have brought for her now and it hurts. I think
women should be made to show women what the child looks and they should go over
each option more thoroughly. Before, I didn’t think that I had the right to feel
remorse or pain at the loss of my child, but now I don't care what others think.
I want help but I can't afford it. I wish that there were more support groups
without a hidden agenda.