All I could do was lay there and cry.
They (nurses) lead me into the room; and once again not one person
fully explained my decision to me. Just that the Dr. was going to scrape the
"tissue" from my uterus walls and I might feel a little bit of a tugging
sensation. Then he'd suction out the tissue (once again I was 12 weeks along
in my pregnancy). He started scraping (killing) and I asked him to stop - I
started crying - (I got an overwhelming feeling of what was happening was
wrong). But the Dr. told me the tissue had been loosened and there would be
no chance of a normal pregnancy. All I could do was lay there and cry and
wait for it to be over. When I left, I pushed all the feelings down and
covered them up! (I was a pro at that from my childhood). Since that time,
I'm now married with 3 more children and last year I was saved and just
recently the Lord has had me deal with my children I have never known.
That’s because at those two times of my life the abortions were the "best
things" for everyone.
To describe my abortions from what I know now, I'd say, pain (emotional and
physical) and guilt for the mom and brutal murders for the babies.
I'm a person who can't stand to watch a fight because of the pain inflicted
on the people. So to find out that my babies were pulled apart, suctioned and
felt it all (cold hard truth). It rips my heart into shreds thinking of it. My
husband (who also is saved) is feeling loss also! I had 2 (live kids) when we
were married and he loves them as his own. He would have done the same with my
other 2 who are with the Lord. He also sees how much I'm hurting from the
abortions and he hurts along with me.
I have a need to help others who might choose abortion. So I'm getting
involved with the "We Care" program. With the Lord's help I'll make a
difference. But my main supporter is none other than the Lord himself. He holds
the medication I need to heal my wounds and he gives me the doses, as I need
them. I also have my wonderful husband and great friends.
The abortions robbed me of two wonderful gifts from God, and left me with an
indescribable pain and emptiness that will take a long time to heal. I can't
stress enough how horrible it is when reality finally "hit home".