My life would have been very different

My mother had an abortion when I was 12. After her abortion she started drinking, using drugs and smoking. She normally weighed around 210. She dropped done to about 145 within 6 months.

My mother withdrew into herself. Didn't care where I was. I could be gone for 2 weeks at a time. Come home. She said nothing. I became a drug addict and alcoholic. I quit drugs. The drugs almost killed me. I quit drinking. I don't know how it affected the rest of my family except my mother and step-dad divorced, and took away 2 brothers and a sister. My mother also told me she was afraid to have her baby because it wasn't my step-dad's. He was mean to me and she thought he'd be mean to the baby.

I realized I needed to forgive my mother. And understood how the abortion affected her. Just got educated on the subject.

For eleven years I have not had a good relationship with my mom. It caused a lot of anger. It tore me apart inside. My mom still hasn't recovered. I know my sister is in heaven waiting for me. But it still affects me as far as feeling a lot of grief, a lot of sorrow. I feel sorry for my mom. But I can't help her unless she wants help. I don't believe I would have had a child myself at 17 years old, or that I would have been so destructive and suicidal with drugs. It's caused a lot of emotional and mental scars. I didn't finish high school. (I didn't have to go.) My mom just completely let me go. I thought I had done something wrong. She had 5 men living in our house. There was never any food, or privacy. So I left home for good. Lived where I could. Ate when I could. Which led to me stealing food out of stores, etc. If my mom would have been herself, I wouldn't have reacted this way. Before her abortion, she went to church and was always there for us. During her divorce she would have fought harder for her other kids. I believe she would have been able to keep them. As a result of them being taken away, I don’t have a good relationship with them. Because I don't know them very well. My life would have been very different.