I was 17 and became pregnant by a 23 year-old man I
thought I was in love with. I was 6 months pregnant when my parents found
out. My father asked if an abortion could be done at that point and would I
agree to it. Thinking I was too far along for it to possibly be legal, I
agreed.
I was wrong.
It was an induced labor. Even though I had my mother, father, brothers,
sister, man I became pregnant by and nurses' with me I felt very alone - scared.
I cried. I was put in the hall with newborn babies (nursery), two doors away
from my room. I will never forget.
I blamed my father for years. My father turned away from God believing that
is his punishment for having done this. It put a definite strain on our
relationship. Healing is just now occurring in our lives partly through getting
involved with and talking about Abba.
When my brother and his wife were having their first child 11 years ago, I
began to blame myself for all suffering as punishment from God. They had a very
sick baby. I finally realized I had nothing to do with their suffering. Sometime
after that I accepted responsibility for my own past. Asked God's forgiveness
and accepted it and moved on. I have a strong need to get involved through Abba.
I believe God put me in the right place at the right time to hear about Abba.
Absolutely, I have committed a murder. I live with the knowledge that I did
not allow my son to be born, to give him the right to live and it still hurts
deeply. You have to tell other girls that the pain never goes away.
