I had gone in for a mono test w/my fiancé and ended up w/a positive pregnancy
test. We were both seniors in college and sex was not a big part of our
relationship. Needless to say we were shocked. We quickly decided to speed up
the marriage process but one day after a long talk w/ his older sister, he
decided he wanted me but not the baby and that abortion was an only realistic
solution. I was devastated but all alone. I felt condemnation from my Christian
adult friends. Something inside automatically shut off. He took it all from
there.
All I remember was that he and his sister arranged the whole thing. He was in
a championship tennis tourney and couldn't go - so I went alone. I felt like I
was in a herd of cattle being shuttled in and out. John was there when I
recovered and he drove me to his sister's house where I sat dazed for hours. The
doctor (man) at the clinic was very gruff, most everybody was, except for one
nurse who remarked on my cute outfit.
For two months after I drank and took pills that would me cope, I left for
Colo. To work/rest that summer and began having anxiety attacks. I thought I was
going to go insane or die - or both. After 3 months of agony & fear, I moved
home, told my parents, went to my Dr. and began psychotherapy for seven months.
My parents were hurt that it happened and that I felt like I couldn't tell them.
After much healing I have worked at a crisis pregnancy center as a volunteer
helping others make the right choice - helping and trying to spare them of the
nightmare I experienced. I know looking back, that the counseling I received did
help. I was fortunate.
In the negative sense, I have a great deal of that I go through separately. I
constantly have to confront my past in sharing with others. In a positive sense,
my relationship with my parents and with God is better and stronger. I had come
to a point where I thought I couldn't live any longer and HE "redeemed my life
from the pit." I wouldn't wish my experience on my worst enemy.
