I cried to God to forgive me
I was 19 years old when I became pregnant. I generally used a diaphragm
during sex, but that one night I was unprepared.
I was single and going to college fill full time as well as working a part-time
job. When I told my boyfriend of the news and asked him whether I should get an
abortion, he said that he would be supportive of whatever choice I made.
I had my whole life ahead of me. All I could picture was how this pregnancy and
having a child would ruin my life. I'd have to quit school, possibly marry my
boyfriend whom I wasn't sure I'd want to marry, and go on welfare to be able to
support a child.
I didn't feel that I had any alternatives to abortion The clinic that I went to
didn't offer any. I only told one girlfriend about my pregnancy. I was very
careful not to tell anyone that might "judge" me. This one girlfriend went with
me on that fateful day to the abortion clinic.
I joined several other women that day in the clinic. There were probably 5 to 8
of us. We all went through some sort of orientation together, were given a mild
tranquilizer, given the paper clothes to wear, and then we each waited our turn.
I had a suction type abortion and cried through the entire horrible procedure. I
cried to God to forgive me for killing my baby. It was only during that awful
procedure that I referred to the life within me as a baby.
I remember the clinic calling me within a few days after the abortion to tell I
me that they may not have gotten all the tissue out. I was horrified I thought
to myself that before I would return there to go through that again, I would
sooner die. Luckily, they didn't call again.
My self-image sank lower and lower. I only told people who I thought were
liberal about my abortion. I couldn't face further refection by telling someone
who thought what I did was wrong. The thing is though that "I" felt that what I
did was wrong and I couldn't forgive myself for what I had done.
I ended up marrying my boyfriend who was a practicing alcoholic and drug user. I
figured that I didn't deserve anyone better.
That marriage lasted less than a year. Now, years later, I've been able to
accept the forgiveness that God offered to me and have been able to forgive
myself. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and owe all my
healing to Him. He has worked through several different channels of healing.
Much of my healing has come through reading. "Helping Women Recover From
Abortion" by Michels was very good. I've also found love and acceptance front
those around me who I thought earlier would judge me.
I am now Involved in the Pro-Life movement and will continue to speak out for
the unborn as long as I am able. There are so many factors that could be cited
in my story, but that literally would require a book to write them all down. My
hopes are that what I have shared will help others.