How did you come to have the abortion(s) and who was involved?

The day I took the urine test and was told I was pregnant I went to a pay phone to call an abortion clinic. I had a 6 month old and a fiancé (who was in Korea at the time).  I couldn't do it to either one of us.

How would you describe your abortion(s)?

SICK - everyone was casual -- sort of "routine". During the ultrasound I was asked did I want to look and I wanted "no part". The "suction" was difficult. The vacuum pulled at me, after which I vomit "green stuff".  The nurse said it was "usual" - 2 hours later I was out the door.

How did your abortion(s) affect you and others?

I get nervous whenever my period is due - I feel I'm being punished (by 3 previous miscarriages). Sometimes I hate my husband - feeling I did it for him. Sometimes I hate men -- no matter how many hundreds of times they have sex it doesn't matter, but one mistake for a woman - and the whole world could know.

Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion(s), and did it help.

Nothing! On the 20^th was the first time I sat with a "professional" to even say it.

How do you think the abortion(s) changed your life?

MAJOR - sometimes it comes to me and I cry (for "no reason" to outsiders) or I hear someone mention how easy it would be - but it's not!  5 yrs later I'm just starting to realize how that one mistake of having an abortion affected my life!