I thought that I could hear my baby crying
I was separated from my husband and didn't want to
reconcile. I married him only because I was pregnant (I had a miscarriage on
the day of the wedding). I told myself that I was probably going to have
anther miscarriage anyway. I was about 20 at the time (this was almost seven
years ago now). I was in it completely alone.
It was humiliating. It was a suction abortion and regardless of what those at
the clinic said, it hurt. I thought (in my own mind and heart) that I could hear
my baby crying as it was torn apart and sucked out of my womb.
Physically I was in great pain. I was hemorrhaging quite badly. I was almost
sent to the hospital. That day and the next I experienced sore abdominal pain.
It was so bad, I even considered suicide. When I called the clinic for help they
told me to put my legs up and use a hot water bottle! Such compassion!
I tried to ignore the emotional pain of having taken my babies life until one
year ago. I went to a post abortion workshop. There my feelings and pain were
verbally spoken and I was able to forgive myself. I worked in a crisis pregnancy
center after that and was, in turn, able to help other women. One baby that was
saved is now my God-child!
I will never be the same. Although I don't carry the guilt of my actions, I
still have the grief. It has surely opened my heart to have compassion for women
who have and still are suffering from abortions. Most importantly, it brought me
to the realization of how much I need the Lord in my life.