I had an abortion in 1985 due to a one night stand with a man who had been a
friend for eight years. I ended up pregnant and being newly divorced with a one
year old child … it was terrifying. But I wanted that baby!! Everybody pushed me
and pushed me until I weakened and gave into the pressure.
It was horrible -- in the middle of it I started crying and praying, knowing
it was so wrong. It was botched. I developed a fever, pain, bleeding, and I kept
calling the clinic. They kept saying "Take your medicine!" I ended up in another
doctor's office who removed retained "tissue" without anesthesia, while my baby
screamed outside in the hallway. I ended up with endometriosis and almost wound
up in the hospital with a D & C.
It made me extremely angry towards myself and those involved. Every time I
start my period I get very depressed and always think of the child I should have
had. It's been 5 years now and it is somewhat easier to cope with. I also began
to hate sex and am now celibate, but before I chose to be was very paranoid of
another pregnancy, even with multiple birth control methods.
I became a Christian but it wasn't until I went through the PACE
(Post-Abortion Counseling) that I finally came to grips with myself. The grief
and self forgiveness is still a daily struggle but getting easier. I am now a
Right-to-Life co-chairman of our local chapter and becoming very active in the
pro-life movement.
[This experience] made me more protective of children, more distrustful of
men, much more cautious in relationships, plus I am Born-Again and Pro-life. Out
of everything negative can come something positive!
If you want any more extensive testimonials I am more than ready to spill my
guts for the benefit of this cause.
Kristen
