I had a sense of doom
I had ended a severely dysfunctional relationship with a man who had
mental/emotional problems a year earlier. I ran into him again a year later, two
weeks after the death of my grandmother. I was very depressed, lonely, empty,
numb. We saw each other for about six weeks. A month after I ended it, I found
out I was pregnant and had chymidia. I had been on three different medications
at the time.
My gynecologist performed it under general anesthesia in the operating room
of a large hospital. I had very little pain afterwards.
I didn't tell anyone close to me. I had a sense of doom that I had done a
terrible thing and was probably going to hell because of it. I experienced a
profound sense of defeat, that Satan had been triumphant. I took on a very
cynical attitude about life. My ability to trust people diminished, and I found
I didn't care about things as much.
I got counseling, but the real healing and restoration to my self worth has
been through Project Rachel.
I think I'm less likely to be judgmental and put others down for making major
life mistakes. I also have become more assertive, less likely to let others
impose their will on me.