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I felt very weak and powerless

I was 23, in the military and very far from my family. I had been brought up with what I considered to be a very good idea of what was wrong or right but still I chose what wasn't good. I wanted to talk to someone before I did it, I had tried to contact a Catholic nurse I knew at the Air Force Base. There was no one else I could talk to. The father of the child was due to be reassigned a month after I found out about the baby and I felt I needed to make a decision quickly. At the time I felt that keeping that baby was something I couldn't do. Unfortunately the only real opinion I had was mine because I hadn't really talked about my situation with anyone. I didn't feel that the father of the baby cared about the child or my situation I guess, at the time I thought there were no other alternatives. I was very scared and embarrassed. My ego and selfishness seemed to get in the way of making a better decision (i.e., to keep or give the baby to a couple for adoption).

The people at the centers seemed nice enough. I was rather teary eyed as I talked to them. As far as "counseling" went they could have told me about other choices available. I believe I was given some strong drugs because I can't (or don't want to) remember a whole lot about the procedure. I felt very weak and powerless.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about what I did. I don't know how it how affected the father as I don't keep in touch with him. My husband, now, is very understanding and sensitive towards my pain. I have a greater compassion towards others now. I've always felt very cowardly about the abortion decision I made.

It took me a while (about a year) but talking to our Air Force chaplain and the Sacrament of Reconciliation helped me to realize God's forgiveness and mercy. It has helped me become a happy and loving person again.

(I am) more tolerant of others' mistakes. I'm now more aware of the responsibilities of sex and love. I often feel very irresponsible for what I've done. What a loss. I'll never forget the pro-creative miracle and responsibility of sex. Abortion is such a terrible commentary on the status of social life and civilization.

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