Abortion Made Me Hard-Hearted

I am an adult child of two alcoholic parents which left me with a hole in my soul that I tried to fix with relationships and sex outside of marriage. When I got pregnant twice out of wedlock, I was unable to have the resources or courage to have the babies.

I was sexually molested twice: once when I was in 2nd grade, the other in the 8th grade

The first [abortion I had] was in 1970 in New York City. It was gruesome. It was in a clinic on 42nd Street. The abortion was performed with all my clothes on except I was told to remove my boots, hose and panties. I was given no anesthesia and directly afterward I was led to a cot and given oreo cookies and a Coke. It was awful.

The second was done in a hospital under anesthesia and I spent overnight there.

There was a relief at the time, but subsequently I have entered a support group for healing the stress which was caused, I believe, by the abortions - the killing of my unborn children. And now I am unable to conceive and if I do conceive, I can only carry the baby for 3 months and then it aborts itself. I am married now and 46 years old. The enormous amount of stress and pain in my life from these two abortions is awful.

I am presently attending a support group for Post Abortion Syndrome. I am reading many helpful books to educate me about abortion. I am learning that God forgives me for killing my two unborn children and I am grieving and sorrowing every day. I have experienced some relief, but I'm only on the third chapter of the workbook WOMEN IN RAMAH.

[My abortions] made me hard-hearted and uncompassionate. They were a sin against God, myself and others. I regret ever having them. I cannot undo what has been done. I look forward to meeting these children in heaven when I get there. I have asked forgiveness for the way I treated them.