I was at a party and got drunk. Three weeks later I found out that I was
going to have a baby. I was not able to take care of it at all. My mother and
aunt took me to have the abortion. My mother's boyfriend was the biggest help.
On the way there I was very confused and didn't really know what I wanted to
do. My mom said it was best and she didn't want me to have a life like hers.
When we got there, there w[ere] people standing outside with signs that said,
"Stop Killing." I told my mom I couldn't go through them, so we found another
way in. Mom paid for the abortion, but I had to pay her back.
I went in for counsel, which was a joke. They didn't help me with my
feelings. Just told me what would happen. They said I would not feel anything or
hear anything. They were wrong. I could hear the suction machine and the doctor.
I could feel the pulling. It felt like they were pulling the inside of me out.
All I could do was cry.
Afterwards they gave me some crackers and 7-Up and I sat there with other
girls that just went through the same thing. I felt numb, like I was going
through it but yet I wasn't. Then they sent me home. Once I was in the car I
began to get very sick. I threw up inside the car. Mom and my aunt kept saying
that things will be OK after awhile. When I got home I stayed in bed for two
days and my mom's boyfriend stayed with me.
With others they seemed to try and support me. Myself, I just blocked it out,
at least I tried to. I became very depressed with myself and went into a deep
shell within myself. Didn't want to do anything but work and sleep. Then I began
to get involved with drugs to make me happy again. That's how the next 3 1/2
years of my life was. Alcohol and drugs - that's all I wanted.
At first I just pushed it away, but that didn't work. I turned to drugs and
alcohol and that didn't work. My life got really bad at this point and I ran
away from home.
I ran into Jesus Christ 's arms. Jesus told me that he loved me and what I
did was wrong but he forg[ave] me. Then I began to forgive myself. I got
involved by telling other girls that it's not the right way. That's a lie from
Satan. It's not the way to solve your problems, it only brings more. Once I
began to deal with the feeling through Jesus Christ, part of my life came back
in focus and it wasn't hanging over me anymore.
The abortion changed my life a great deal. It brought on a lot of emotional
upset. I'll always wonder what the baby would [have] been, a boy or a girl.
Would it [have] had red hair like me? Could I [have] taken care of it? But I
don't think of those questions as much now. I think of how I can help another
girl faced with the same question, "Is an abortion the answer?" NO!!!
Only thru Jesus Christ was I delivered from the guilt and shame. I had tried
everything else and only Jesus worked. Thank you Lord.