I have had 3 abortions. Ages 14, 17, and 18, each one was
different. I had the first with not much of any thought of my own. My
stepfather took me to a doctor who arranged an illegal abortion in NY. My
second one was a D&C in a hospital. I had been doing a lot of drugs and
friends took me to the hospital (I was not living at home) they told me I
was pregnant and that was what was making me sick, so they admitted me right
then. The third one, I went to Planned Parenthood.
I was completely knocked out during all three and knew or felt nothing during
the actual procedure. Sometimes I wish I had not been asleep during the first
one and maybe I would not have done it again.
There was enormous guilt and shame afterwards. I thought everyone knew. Then
I put up this very thick wall of denial like "it never happened." I completely
believed it never happened all 3 times. After the first one I started a life of
sexual permissiveness and drugs. I quit dressing nice and my relationship with
my parents, which was not good, became unbearable and they sent me to live with
18 years later Jesus came into my life, I went to a Crisis Pregnancy Center.
I went through their Post Abortion Bible Study. Like Peter who denies Christ 3
times I received not only the forgiveness to forgive myself as I got free from
the denial, guilt and shame. God has used me to speak about the abortion on TV
church films and radio.
Having my first abortion at a young age, I went most of my life not holding a
baby. From the time of the first abortion until after the Bible Study I felt I
did not deserve to feel a baby in my arms. So I never experienced that nurturing
mother in me. Thanks be to God I now work in the nursery. In my heart I know
that first child would have brought me to Jesus. Instead I was 30 years old when
I let him in. I think Christ would have come in and made my life different
earlier had I not aborted.