I killed two people
I had two legal abortions, the first one when I was 16. I had no support from
my boyfriend or parents. I was alone in the sense no one wanted me pregnant - so
I sought the quickest way to be un-pregnant. The second pregnancy I was 19 - the
father of the baby was married. Again I sought the quickest way out.
The first abortion was awful. I was put under general anesthesia. When I woke
up the first thing I saw was a garbage can with bloody paper towels in it. I
immediately thought of my baby and wanted it back. To which I was told I'm a big
girl now and once we make a decision we have to accept it and go on. The second
was not as bad - I still regret it though.
I always remembered my Children's birthdays (what would have been). I never
forgot anything about either one. They are definitely in my memory forever. I
know it affected my mother and boyfriend - affected me more than anyone else. It
seemed that they all felt relief where I felt grief.
I suffered tremendous guilt over the abortions at one point in time. I felt
so guilty I was suffering from anxiety attacks. In time I realized God forgave
me those sins. I don't really think I've forgiven myself. I suffered a
miscarriage between my 2nd and 3rd Child. I wondered if my
two abortions had anything to do with that. My doctor (who is a Christian) said
no it did not.
I would have a 16 year old and a 13 year old that I do not have now. I'm sure
my life would be different in that the experience of having those two kids would
have affected my life and others around me a great deal. I killed two people
through those abortions. The realization of that affects me very much.
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