This is an unchangeable - unforgettable thing to do to a child

I was just re-married and my husband was 40. He didn't want any children by me - his kids were grown and he didn't want to start over again raising children. He had mine (a boy of age 4) to deal with and that was enough!

I had to have the abortion 2 times. I went early in my pregnancy to get it over quick (I'm a nurse and didn't want the baby to be too big). The doctor didn't get all of the parts, and in one month when I should have had my period I didn't. A blood test showed I was pregnant. I was now 12 - 14 weeks along and had to have diliteria and re-aborted. Perhaps I had had twins? One aborted the first time and another continued to grow and aborted the second time. WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT!

My son is 14 now. When I see him around smaller children I realize that I killed his brother or sister. He is an only child and will be that only because of my selfishness. This is an unchangeable - unforgettable thing to do to a child. I have remorse for killing my child who I did not know, but my real day-to-day sorrow is for my living child who will be alone in this world because of me.

I pray for God's forgiveness and for God to care for my child who is now alone in this world because of me.

I would have never had an illegal abortion. It just would not have been the easy solution to an untimely pregnancy, and we all would have survived raising another child. Now I praise God for his forgiveness of my sin but my living son still is alone. When I'm old and need help, my selfishness may be repaid by loneliness. I praise God in all situations.