My whole body felt like it was being ripped apart

I was 19, my boyfriend 21, we loved each other, and we were too ashamed and scared . His Mom always told him she would throw him out of the house, whether she would have, we never told them. I was too ashamed to put my family through it! It was a joint decision and we went together.

(It was) the most horrible experience ever. My whole body felt like it was being ripped apart. Imagine what the baby felt. A nightmare.

It has left a scar on us, which we think will never go away. I still cry everyday and wonder what it was, who it looked like. I keep thinking one day when I die, I'm going to hear this voice saying how could you do that to me. It's hard to make love sometimes.

I pray and probably should seek counseling but can't afford it. By writing this, I hope this helps somebody who is thinking about having one -- but don't.

It's changed my life greatly. I want my baby back. Me and my boyfriend married a year and half later. We’ve been married for 5 years have two children and love them dearly, wouldn't give them up for the world.