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Blood being wiped from the walls when everything was done…

First abortion was ten years ago - boyfriend - previous year my kidney had quit (I only have one), and dr. said pregnancy may damage it. Boyfriend was present but didn't seem emotionally involved. Second abortion was one year ago. I have two children … They are very active and I felt I could not mentally handle another child. Finances were also a consideration. Our house is too small for 4 of us now. My husband went with me but really had nothing to say in the decision.

The first was scary and emotional - the boyfriend left me after 3 months.

The second was horrible as I was almost 4 months and didn't know it. It was a two day procedure with blood being wiped from the walls when everything was done. Baby was successfully gotten rid of. It was a horrible horrible experience and I never should have been allowed to kill my unborn child.

The second has taught me about life and the termination of an unwanted pregnancy is wrong!!!!

I have been in therapy since immediately after the abortion. I am still trying to cope with the awful thing I did. I am involved with a post-abortion support group as well. Christianity helps in dealing with the death and in trying to forgive myself for my actions.

I am always wondering how this child would have been - a girl? a boy? Would he/she have looked like my boys? One year has passed since I did this awful thing and the birth would have been one year summer 1990. I also think about the first abortion and the age of the child now - 9 years old. These dates will be with me forever and neither child can ever be replaced.

I have thought about having a third child, but our family situation, (finances, house, etc.) remain the same. My husband still does not talk about the abortion.

It was the worst experience of my life and I will never forget what I did.

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