I came to have it [an abortion] because I slept with my boyfriend and got
pregnant and I know I definitely did not want a baby then - and also I wouldn't
know what to have done with it anyway; plus the fact that I was 18 years old and
was worried about what people would think. My boyfriend was involved, but only
in paying for it - no other way did he help.
It was at first a thought of relief because I knew that after it was over I
wouldn't be pregnant anymore. But now that's changed. It was scary and extremely
painful, and now it's not even been a year since I had it done, and all it's
done is cause a lot of guilt that is just unbelievable! I feel worse than I did
when I was so worried about being pregnant.
Well others don't know, not too many anyway. My boyfriend doesn't say
anything about it - never has. It bothers me a lot! I think about what I did and
I feel so terrible about myself, angry at myself, and it is just a huge mess
now. And I know I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life. I feel
like a terrible person.
I haven't done much because who is going to help? My boyfriend never said a
word about it, plus, I feel like I deserve to feel this way. I mean, look at
what I did. I had a human life killed. I don't expect anyone to tell me it's
gonna be O.K. because it's not. I deserve all this. I can't forgive myself for
this.
Well, I sure don't think anyone should have them done. I wish I knew that
before so I wouldn't have. I think it would have been easier to have the baby
and adopt it out rather than have to live with this mistake for the rest of my
life. I mean I paid to have a human life killed. I'll never get over that.
