I was 20 years old, a junior in college. When I found out I was pregnant I
went to the only school counselor at this small college. When I told her my
situation, she almost immediately gave me literature on abortion clinics and was
very encouraging toward abortion. I barely thought of other options. A
girlfriend who was supportive through this was encouraging abortion as the best
thing. The father didn’t consider anything else as I told him I was pregnant and
needed an abortion. He paid for it but wasn’t present. We had just broken up
before I found out that I was pregnant.
The clinic said it wouldn’t be painful -- just like menstrual cramps.
What a lie! I cried and almost screamed a few times, but they told me not to
make noise because I would scare the others that were waiting. As soon as it was
over, as I sat in the recovery room, I felt like I was dying -- physically. That
passed after awhile, but the next day, I felt like I was dying emotionally. I
hated myself for what I had done, and felt such emptiness that I had never
experienced before or since then.
I began to resent and almost hate the father. We had started dating again and
it was never the same. I kept throwing it in his face and was actually trying to
get him to feel bad about what we had done, but I don’t think he ever did. After
on and off dating, I broke it off for good. Four days after the abortion, I got
a headache that lasted all day, non-stop for about 2 months and then started
letting up only occasionally throughout the day. My grades dropped drastically.
I couldn’t concentrate at all anymore on studies or pay attention in class. My
mind was never on any particular thought -- I wasn’t concentrating on anything.
My friendship with my supportive girlfriend fell apart, too. Although I didn’t
realize it at the time, I didn’t want to be around her or even look at her, for
she reminded me of what I had done, and I resented her. These thoughts weren’t
conscious at the time, I just felt uncomfortable around her and didn’t know why.
Around the time that would have been my due date, I went to a Crisis
Pregnancy Center with a friend for a pregnancy test. We watched a documentary
about abortion and my heart broke as I became aware of the reality of what I had
done. The counselor at the CPC got me in contact with another woman who had had
an abortion. She was a Christian who led a PAS support group. She talked with me
and prayed with me and I began attending the support group. Through that group
and working through the book that accompanies it, I have come through major
healing. But, most of all, my healing is through Jesus Christ -- He loved me,
forgave, helped me forgive myself and the others involved. I know I would not
have progressed through healing and moving on with my life without His help.
The abortion almost destroyed my college education. Fortunately, I got help
in time and salvaged it, although my education has suffered damage. Through the
experience of my mistake, I now share with others who are considering abortion
to try and persuade them to not make the same horrible mistake I did. I am now a
counselor at a CPC and continue in the support group. I now have such a respect
for life that I never had before. I have been a Christian practically all my
life, but during the time around my abortion, I didn’t have a very close walk
with the Lord, but as a result of my healing, I have peace now and the
anticipation of someday seeing my child that I’ve never seen.