I thought at the time I was losing my mind
I was using a diaphragm (obviously wrong) got pregnant went to he doctor and
was told I was – the nurse made the appointment right then for me to abort 2
days following. She asked me " Do you want to have an abortion?" At the time I
was so panic stricken I replied immediately, "Yes." The days following were a
nightmare – my boyfriend literally hid and gave me no support whatsoever.
It was scary –degrading and cold. I was so drugged up – I walked out
immediately after without signing out. I wanted to just get away from the place.
I went a little crazy on the way home because they gave me pills to take for a
week to stop the bleeding. I freaked at the thought of having to take something
in my house that would remind me of what I did. After I slept 3 hours at home I
felt a little better. I could think more rationally.
The day after my abortion was probably the last time I talked about it for 11
years. I stayed with the man who got me pregnant for 16 years following the
abortion. We never discussed it. Not because I didn’t want to – He couldn’t deal
with it. I cried a lot for no reason, went though a lot of depression periods. I
thought at the time I was losing my mind. I would go a few months fine….and then
have major bouts of depression. I was on an emotional roller coaster like that
for 11 years, always contemplating seeing a therapist of some kind. Since the
abortion my eating habits are horrible. I think I’m fat and have to lose weight
all the time. I’m 5’ 4’’ at 112 lbs. I’m getting better with that though.
I found Jesus Christ 11 years later. I began to deal with what I did. I’m
still trying. Having the Lord has been the best medicine any doctor could
prescribe. I’m still having a very difficult time forgiving myself for killing
my baby. Its something I have to deal with everyday – but everything is possible
I feel at this point there is a reason for everything….right now I’m very
much involved in the pro-life movement and the post abortion aspect of aborted
woman. I’ll soon be starting a post abortion support group within our church.
It’s so needed. There are so many hurting women out there.