I was using a diaphragm (obviously wrong) got pregnant went to he doctor and was told I was – the nurse made the appointment right then for me to abort 2 days following. She asked me " Do you want to have an abortion?" At the time I was so panic stricken I replied immediately, "Yes." The days following were a nightmare – my boyfriend literally hid and gave me no support whatsoever.

It was scary –degrading and cold. I was so drugged up – I walked out immediately after without signing out. I wanted to just get away from the place. I went a little crazy on the way home because they gave me pills to take for a week to stop the bleeding. I freaked at the thought of having to take something in my house that would remind me of what I did. After I slept 3 hours at home I felt a little better. I could think more rationally.

The day after my abortion was probably the last time I talked about it for 11 years. I stayed with the man who got me pregnant for 16 years following the abortion. We never discussed it. Not because I didn’t want to – He couldn’t deal with it. I cried a lot for no reason, went though a lot of depression periods. I thought at the time I was losing my mind. I would go a few months fine….and then have major bouts of depression. I was on an emotional roller coaster like that for 11 years, always contemplating seeing a therapist of some kind. Since the abortion my eating habits are horrible. I think I’m fat and have to lose weight all the time. I’m 5’ 4’’ at 112 lbs. I’m getting better with that though.

I found Jesus Christ 11 years later. I began to deal with what I did. I’m still trying. Having the Lord has been the best medicine any doctor could prescribe. I’m still having a very difficult time forgiving myself for killing my baby. Its something I have to deal with everyday – but everything is possible with God!

I feel at this point there is a reason for everything….right now I’m very much involved in the pro-life movement and the post abortion aspect of aborted woman. I’ll soon be starting a post abortion support group within our church. It’s so needed. There are so many hurting women out there.