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I Had Four Abortions

I had 4 abortions. The first when I was 18 after the first time I had sex. My friend took me to Family Planning Alternatives. My parents didn’t know. The boy offered to pay for the abortion. Years later he said he would have married me. Basically, my friend took me by the hand and led me to the clinic where there was no discussion about alternatives, just an appointment made. The second one, I took myself. My boyfriend was involved (sort of ). He made no suggestions – he just assumed I would abort. I was using a diaphragm. The third one – my same boyfriend was involved. I had an IUD. He was a little more supportive, but it was like getting a tooth pulled at this point. The fourth one I did alone – the guy knew (guessed) that I had had the abortion. My boyfriend (who is now my husband) was very supportive and he suggested counseling.

Abortion #1 – 1972 or 3 – We were all led down a back hallway (20 of us or so) in our gowns and barefoot, we were in a hospital. We were given tranquilizers to the point of being very nervous, we had to wear head coverings and no jewelry. I was in a room of about 10 girls – I was the last to go in. Every girl came back crying. I was scared and I cried too. It was painful but I was pretty drugged. 

Abortion #2 - 1974 – Family Planning Alternatives – This one was held at a clinic. I felt much more comfortable. I loved the staff. They were so nurturing. We were given 10 milligrams of Valium. They joked around a lot and it wasn’t as painful emotionally. I wanted to be one of them at this point. We were all given little cots to sleep on afterwards and we were given cookies and orange juice. We had a lot of time to get up and going. We had to have someone pick us up. 

Abortion #3 - 1976 – Family Planning Alternatives – Very hazy memory of this one. More emotional pain perhaps – or just got numb to it all. I think it was similar to #2 but only 5 milligrams of valium offered – this time to recuperate from the surgery.

Abortion #4 - 1983 - Planned Parenthood – Awful. Treated like a piece of meat. No medication. Very painful. Totally impersonal. After surgery you had to change immediately into your clothes and go out into the waiting room. Awful!

[The abortions had] no real effect that I knew of until the last one. I thought the baby was a devil baby. I was using drugs at the time. It was a bad, painful experience. The beginning of "my bottom". In 1991, I came out of denial totally, but in 1988 I had my first (and only so far) baby. The reality of what I had done hit me like a ton of bricks. In 1991 I finally looked at the facts and I have been appalled at the pain women and men have been subjected to. My husband and I have been profoundly affected. Our sex life is nil – we have unresolved guilt and anger. There’s no telling what the impact has been on me, I am just opening the door to it all. But I know one thing – if it hadn’t been legal, I would not have been so promiscuous. No way!

I have become involved in the Pro-Life Movement. I had an article published. I am starting a support group. I’m reading about abortion and trying to educate people I know and through our church we are setting up a ministry. Writing letters to congressmen, the President and media. I do graphics for the crisis pregnancy center and San Jose Pro-Life Council.

It made sex seem free, when in fact, I was enslaved. It put me into denial for years. It hardened me to the sanctity of life and to relationships with men. It has become worse as I have gotten older.

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