1. How did you come to have the abortion(s) and who was involved?
Was raped in early 80 when rape laws were much different (man ended up on
AMERICA'S MOST WANTED years later). Unable to prosecute at time - knew the
person from place where I worked. Attorney advised it would be his word against
mine. Did not know was pregnant until 3 1/2 months. Had 5 additional abortions.
Bad judgement, fear, fallen away from faith, desire to know if I could still
2. How would you describe your abortion(s)
Beyond heinous. Told it was nothing more than blob of jello: not a person
yet, told that if I weren't able to care for it, what would happen? Adoption not
brought up as option, I believe, except only in brief mention after scare
tactics instilled. First abortion was told as coming out of anesthesia that THEY
DIDN'T GET IT ALL. Other abortions had massive passing of additional tissue -
not clean jobs.
3. How did your abortion(s) affect you and others?
Still not capable to trust, relate to men with healthy relationships. Afraid
to enjoy sex; afraid to get intimate ...like friendships, but do not like to get
too close where one "crosses the border" of friendship. Affected family (only
told about rape); think of unborn children's souls a lot and get blue at certain
times of year - have tried to heal, read TILLY which helped a lot, gave them
names. Shame still haunts me.
4. Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion(s), and did it
As stated above, read TILLY, given them names, talk to them, pray for them,
ask their forgiveness, confessed in church and to GOD sin. Talked to friends who
are in counseling services for advice; try to talk others out of it when can and
to make aware of what PLANNED PARENTHOOD does not tell you; took a stand and
wrote the President (got a reply). Wrote story about it - for myself.
5. How do you think your abortion(s) changed your life?
Will always be with me. I think that if I could kill my children...what am I
not capable of.... self esteem is not good. Try to go on; the men involved when
I tried to discuss with them 1) don't want to discuss it and if I am to be their
friend, should not bring up past 2) given ultimatum: baby or lose job, place to
live and me (the man): 3) birth control convenience 4) other didn't know.
Reconciliation and Healing