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Mothers Whose Babies Were Killed by Abortion

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My Abortion: "Beyond Heinous"

1. How did you come to have the abortion(s) and who was involved?

Was raped in early 80 when rape laws were much different (man ended up on AMERICA'S MOST WANTED years later). Unable to prosecute at time - knew the person from place where I worked. Attorney advised it would be his word against mine. Did not know was pregnant until 3 1/2 months. Had 5 additional abortions. Bad judgement, fear, fallen away from faith, desire to know if I could still feel.

2. How would you describe your abortion(s)

Beyond heinous. Told it was nothing more than blob of jello: not a person yet, told that if I weren't able to care for it, what would happen? Adoption not brought up as option, I believe, except only in brief mention after scare tactics instilled. First abortion was told as coming out of anesthesia that THEY DIDN'T GET IT ALL. Other abortions had massive passing of additional tissue - not clean jobs.

3. How did your abortion(s) affect you and others?

Still not capable to trust, relate to men with healthy relationships. Afraid to enjoy sex; afraid to get intimate friendships, but do not like to get too close where one "crosses the border" of friendship. Affected family (only told about rape); think of unborn children's souls a lot and get blue at certain times of year - have tried to heal, read TILLY which helped a lot, gave them names. Shame still haunts me.

4. Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion(s), and did it help.

As stated above, read TILLY, given them names, talk to them, pray for them, ask their forgiveness, confessed in church and to GOD my sin. Talked to friends who are in counseling services for advice; try to talk others out of it when can and to make aware of what PLANNED PARENTHOOD does not tell you; took a stand and wrote the President (got a reply). Wrote story about it - for myself.

5. How do you think your abortion(s) changed your life?

Will always be with me. I think that if I could kill my children...what am I not capable of.... self esteem is not good. Try to go on; the men involved when I tried to discuss with them 1) don't want to discuss it and if I am to be their friend, should not bring up past 2) given ultimatum: baby or lose job, place to live and me (the man): 3) birth control convenience 4) other didn't know.

Post-Abortion Facts, Reconciliation and Healing

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