I felt like God would never want me…

I found out I was pregnant through a University Campus clinic. They sent me to Planned Parenthood. P.P. made an appointment for counseling that day. It consisted of explaining to a group of girls the removal of tissue using a plastic uterus. My girlfriend brought me there. The father responded to my pregnancy by offering to [pay] the money for the abortion.

I told them I knew it was killing and tissue does not grow into a baby. The nurse said I could leave or have it. I never even saw the doctor. It was as painful as contractions in childbirth (I have children now) and I got a pelvic infection within a month after.

I isolated myself and start[ed] doing more drugs and alcohol. I wound up quitting college and rebelled against my mother's advice. Some of my friends felt like they needed to write me and show their losses (mothers, etc.); other friends felt like they needed to make excuses as to why it was right. The girl who brought me dropped out of school too.

I first said I would never do it again. I did have a child after that. That was a crisis pregnancy too. But that did not help. Just last month I went then to PACE bible study and Lord has set me Free! I no longer see myself as the murderer, but as a mother who lost a child . . .

I never felt worthy after it for any happiness. I still did drugs. I was always being treated for depression and ulcers. I was very scared of the issue of death (anyone's death). I felt cold to my children and felt like God would never want me.