I came to have an abortion when I was 16 because I was
unmarried and the father of the baby was out of the picture. I was scared
and confused. I wasn't sure if abortion was the right answer for me. When I
told my mom I was pregnant, SHE made the decision for me and made it clear
that I would have to leave home. She said I would forget about it, and
everything would be okay.
She's my mom, I believed her.
[When] my abortion was performed ...there were many people there and the
doctors and nurses really rushed you along as fast as possible. There were a
million forms to fill out. I had to talk to two counselors. The first one let my
mom answer many of the questions for me. When she did get me alone, she wasn't
even asking me about my abortion, but she was trying to get out of me the
father's name. He was over 18 and I guess my mom wanted to know his name. The
next counselor I talked to alone. I thought about backing out, but we had
already paid and we were tight for money, I knew my mom would kill me if I
backed out then.
Before the abortion they told me that I would have "minor cramping." When I
actually had the abortion, it was extremely painful; I cried out the whole time.
My mom was in the room with me and she was extremely sick-looking after it was
over. I imagine labor would hurt worse, but at least you accomplish something
after labor. My abortion was a suction abortion, I was 6 weeks along.
After my abortion, my family acted as if it never even happened. I had many
nightmares and I felt extremely guilty because my faith objects to abortion.
As soon as it was over I knew it was murder. I could not deal with the guilt,
so I attempted suicide.
I've learned today that God still loves me and forgives sins -- that has been
my greatest help. I've seen counselors to help me forgive myself, and I've been
going to support groups of woman who have had abortions called Open Arms. Right
after the abortion I tried to get pregnant again to replace the other baby.
Whenever I see a child the age that mine would have been I feel very badly.
Also when I hear of couples who do not have children or cannot, I feel guilty.
Sometimes I'm still angry with myself, even though it's been three years since
the abortion.
