I was a freshman at UCSB (Univ. Of Calif. At Santa Barbara) when I became
pregnant. I was 18. UCSB Student Health Services "counseled" me and sent me to
an abortionist in town. My boyfriend was also a freshman. My sister drove me
there. I was raised a Jewish atheist, from a medical family, so I thought I'd
abort. No one suggested any other alternative.
The abortion was physically excruciating.
I was afraid before and during. The Doctor was uncaring and rude. I felt like
I was going to die - like it would never end. I wanted to scream but the scream
just stuck in my throat.
It caused a lot of problems with my boyfriend - we eventually broke up. I had
an infection afterward. Emotionally I had many PAS symptoms: Anger, depression,
deep disturbances, guilt, remorse, anguish, etc, etc, etc.
I have had some therapy from a Christian therapist. God brought me through
some healing after I became a Christian. The process has included a mourning
period and lots of activity in the pro-life movement, especially speaking
publicly about my abortion.
Someone was taken away from me. I've experienced some healing but I'll always
have the scar from killing my own child. The Lord is merciful but we can't
commit murder and never think of it again. I saw a vision of my son in heaven. I
know he's okay because God is watching over him.
